Poem, let me know your thoughts, thanks.?

Rays of light shine of a summer's morning rise.


Through my bedroom window you sneak in


and wake me with the a.m’s glow.


As a thief you steal me from deep sleep,


caressing warmth skin deep.


Embracing fine white fibers upon this bed


and on my head, a kiss you lay.





Igniting the day, warming my soul


I welcome your warmness.


Will pardon you of a dream you stole.


As you will forgive the creeping night


taking your light.


Rays of light shine of a night's starlight.

Poem, let me know your thoughts, thanks.?
You would be remiss not to give this to your lover.
Reply:its ok
Reply:i like it
Reply:DEEP POEM. VERY DEEP ; i like it though -- it makes you think
Reply:I don`t like that you try to mix hamlet`ish poetry with nowadays...
Reply:Needs a little work. a.m.'s glow.
Reply:I like the first two lines, but the use of a.m. kind of gives it an immature air. I just think that you could use a better word than that. I'm not really sure what the fine white fibers are, but I wouldn't use that, be more specific on what you're talking about there. I don't like that you used things relating to the word warm so close together in the second stanza, consider replacing one of those words. I think you should do something more with the last line, as it IS the close of your poem, and I still don't like the fact that you use light and then starlight so close together. This poem has very good potential though, so when/if you work on it, please email me the finished product.





gnatohlee913@yahoo.com